the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
