how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
