I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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