I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
