I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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