Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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