His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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