Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
