after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
