i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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