Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
