just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
