farters have to be the big spoon...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
