if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
