thus making me awesome and them whores
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
