whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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