And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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