If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
