He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
