One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
