If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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