Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
