when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
