I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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