I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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