I cannot find my penis.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
