There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
why do cheetos always look like penises
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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