there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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