I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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