you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
