she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
