i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
