4 words: hood of his car
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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