well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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