I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
