What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
