Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
