Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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