My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
