i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
