Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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