ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
