i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
