Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
