Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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