my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's rum buckets o'clock
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
