Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
