Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
