Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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