1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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