I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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