Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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