I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
