Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
