at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
