we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
