She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
