Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
