Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
