We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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