Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
