Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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