That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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