Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
