Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
