so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
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July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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