Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
