Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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