onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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