North Korea, Best Korea!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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