$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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