theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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