Is it normal to miss your booty call?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
