Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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