he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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