The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This is my gift to your gina
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
