I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
false alarm, still single
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
