I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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