since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
