so that wasnt chicken after all
I faked an abortion last night.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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