either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
