So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
